Thursday, February 10, 2011

Mudkipz

The Stranger: Yet another penis. Nondescript.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Official messages from Omegle will not be sent with the label 'Stranger:'. Strangers claiming to represent Omegle are lying.

Stranger: hi girl
You: doooo u liek mudkipz?
You: plzzzzzzzzzzz tell
Stranger: you like ?
You: u liek mudkipz?
Stranger: yes
You: ooooooh
Stranger: make me hot
You: wud u ever fuck a mudkipz?
You: if u were a mudkipz?
You: that is

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Read the first definition. And I wouldn't have done this except the guy I talked to before this wanted to show me his "Pokemon" :P

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

OMG NAO U HAS TEH GAY

The Stranger: A penis. I forgot which one.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Official messages from Omegle will not be sent with the label 'Stranger:'. Strangers claiming to represent Omegle are lying.

You: hi
Stranger: hi
You: that's a floppy little dick you got there
Stranger: yeah show me ur tits
[Hahaha, rude.]
You: not for that
You: no
[My boyfriend's roommate leans into the frame with a disgusted look on his face.]
You: there's a guy looking at your dick
You: hahahahahahaha
You: fag

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Crooked Dick Gets Caught

The Stranger: A guy in a white and light blue striped long-sleeved polo shirt. He has the camera pointed at his crooked dick. Bahahahahahahaha.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Official messages from Omegle will not be sent with the label 'Stranger:'. Strangers claiming to represent Omegle are lying.

You: hi
Stranger: hi
You: nice
You: can my friends see your dick?
You: they are nervous and have never seen one before
[I'd been using this for a few chats, where I told masturbating men that my friends had never seen a dick before. Total lie--my "nervous" friends were actually my boyfriend and his roommate.]
Stranger: do you like?
You: they will like
[Because I sure didn't.]
Stranger: where are you from?
You: united states
Stranger: i m italian
You: can they see
You: aw fuck this, you have a little crooked dick
[Dude, it was for serious really crooked.]
Stranger: i see you please
You: see what?
Stranger: tits
You: no, not for your crooked dick
You: hahahahahahahaha
[I don't think my friends ever came. They were too busy playing Halo or something.]
You: no, removing your shirt does not help
[Yes. And he continues to tug on his crooked dick.]
Stranger: whi
You: i'm going to post the screen captures i just got on a web site for pictures of perverts
[Sudden slowing of stroking.]
You: hahahahaha
You: you've been caught
[He slowly beings putting his shirt on. I can't see his face, but I can tell he's feeling so ashamed of himself.]
You: yeah, you should probably get dressed

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Seriously, Don't Read This One.

The Stranger: A black screen. Bastard.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Official messages from Omegle will not be sent with the label 'Stranger:'. Strangers claiming to represent Omegle are lying.

Stranger: what would i have to do to see your tits?
You: hi
You: get ass fucked by a donkey using your own blood as lube

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

He Must Get Tired Of All The Guys On Omegle Wearin' Out His Name...

The Stranger: Guy with brown pubes-for-hair, a big nose, blushed cheeks, and a white long sleeved t-shirt with something written on it.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Official messages from Omegle will not be sent with the label 'Stranger:'. Strangers claiming to represent Omegle are lying.

You: hi
Stranger: heyy
Stranger: wats up
You: nothing much, you?
You: what's your name?
Stranger: nm bored
Stranger: booobs :)
You: hey boobs, my name is samantha
You: nice to meet you, boobs.

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Sexy Suicide

The Stranger: A guy in an olive green sweater with dark, wavy, short hair and pale skin. He's in a dark room.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Official messages from Omegle will not be sent with the label 'Stranger:'. Strangers claiming to represent Omegle are lying.

Stranger: heyy
You: hi
Stranger: asl?
[Stupid asl stuff removed.]
Stranger: nice
Stranger: wanna have some fun?
You: sure
You: what kind of fun?
Stranger: how far are you willing to go? and nude fun>
You: i dunno
Stranger: boobs? pussy?
You: who knows how far i'll go?
[I pull out my boyfriend's roommate's plastic knife and start caressing my throat with the tip of the blade.]
You: would you like to see me slit my throat?
[The guy looks surprised.]
Stranger: no
You: but what if i did?
You: are you squeamish?
Stranger: will you show me your boobs?
[And of course, I'm hinting that I'm going to kill myself, but all he cares about are my boobs. Ugh. Men.]
You: no
Stranger: why not
You: because i'm going to die in a few moments
Stranger: and...
[Yeah, who gives a fuck if some bitch kills herself as long as she shows some tits?]
You: i liked the last guy who saw my tits better. i want him to be the last person who ever saw my tits while i'm alive.
[For the record, no one on Omegle has ever seen my tits.]

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Thursday, February 3, 2011

U OPEN TITS ME

The Stranger: A chunky guy with dark hair and dark stubble. I forgot what color shirt he was wearing.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Official messages from Omegle will not be sent with the label 'Stranger:'. Strangers claiming to represent Omegle are lying.

Stranger: pls stop and listen me pls
[Ohhhh, playing pathetic. How cute.]
Stranger: hdyy
You: hi
You: ok
Stranger: how are u
Stranger: pls not close
Stranger: speak me
You: im good how are you?
Stranger: i m good
Stranger: where are u from
Stranger: u have msn ?
Stranger: she is wery sweet see
Stranger: wery sexy legs
[My boyfriend's roommate's girlfriend was sitting beside me. My boyfriend's roommate comes by and sits next to her.]
Stranger: he ie gay :D
[We argue that he is not gay, and she gets up to leave.]
Stranger: he is go
Stranger: she is come
[I loved this line. Hahahahaha.]
Stranger: come on
Stranger: :)
Stranger: u are young
Stranger: he is gay
[Boyfriend's roommate comes back to pop in.]
Stranger: where are u from ?
Stranger: i m not hear u
You: united states
Stranger: send me msn adress pls
Stranger: i m not hear my pc mute
You: i do not have it
Stranger: her is have ?
You: you pissed her off
Stranger: how old are u ?
You: she isnt giving it to you
You: 16
[Boyfriend's roommate wrote that about me. We had fun talking about me being underage earlier.]
You: 21 bitch
Stranger: :)
Stranger: she is come in
Stranger: i want see she
You: what is that smile for
[Seriously, this dude had a creepy smile.]
Stranger: :)
You: NO SHE IS NOT COMING BACK YOU THICK CUNT
[Sorry.]
Stranger: i m see
Stranger: :d
You: you are a fucking creep
You: she says so
You: i kinda think so too
Stranger: u and she like penis show ?
[Hahahahahahaha. Penis show. Just sounds so silly.]
You: sure
You: go for it
You: let's go run and get a microscope
[I was told to say that.]
You: first
You: hold up
Stranger: want u see ?
You: yes
You: show us your dick
Stranger: first open tits me and stand my dick
[Stand my dick?]
You: hahahaha i'll show you open tits....
Stranger: u
You: fuck you and your open tits
Stranger: u open tits me
Stranger: come on
You: you are about to get a good show
You: want to see my friends sexy ass
Stranger: ok
[My boyfriend's roommate volunteered to put on his girlfriend's skirt and moon the guy.]
You: instead
Stranger: i m not want see gay
[Hahahahahahahahaha.]
Stranger: :)
You: it's her from earlier
You: not the gay one
You: the one you liked
You: she is coming
Stranger: ok
You: she went to the bathroom real quick
You: she is here
You: here she comes, get ready
Stranger: not gir
[O RLY?]
You: now you looked at the gay and his ass, so you are gay
[Oh no, he has THE GAY now!]
Stranger: see me tits
You: no
You: you just saw ass
Stranger: i m just smile
Stranger: u are open tits me
You: first of all, the word is you
You: open isn't the word you're looking for either
You: sorry, the english major says so
Stranger: :)
Stranger: baby
[I fucking hate it when guys call me "baby," just for the record. It creeps me out. And pisses me off.]
Stranger: u are calling her
Stranger: or
Stranger: u are take off t-sirt
[Oh, which one should I choose? Decisions, decisions.]
You: you already saw her ass
You: no
Stranger: not her ass
Stranger: he is ass
[Yes, he is an ass ;)]
Stranger: :)
You: you are the thickest cunt in the damn universe
[Sorry, I had to say it again. He's just that thick.]
Stranger: i m know
[You know? Ohhhhhhhh. Okay. I guess that's good.]
Stranger: it is he
Stranger: not girl
You: yes, we have established that
You: it was the guy
You: yes
You: you are right
You: but you are not seeing anything of either of us ladies
You: i am sorry
Stranger: baby
[Go fuck yourself.]
Stranger: you are show me ?
You: i'm not your baby
You: what the fuck
[See? It pisses me off.]
You: i will not show you anything
You: ughhhhhh
Stranger: she is show me ?
You: she isn't going to show you anything
Stranger: she is come in
Stranger: i m open penis
You: show me and then she will come
Stranger: i want her
Stranger: ok ?
You: she thinks you are a creep and isn't coming
You: stop asking
Stranger: later see u
[Oh, so she isn't even enough. I see.]
You: she is fucking her gay boyfriend now
You: jealous?
Stranger: see me
You: no
Stranger: i want fuck
[Hahahahahaha, yet another win.]
You: dumb shit
Stranger: see me they
[English fail. Woooooooooo.]
Stranger: ok ?
You: they might show you that
You: if you really want
Stranger: see me they
Stranger: me too penis show
Stranger: see me they
Stranger: me too penis show
[Wow. Like they want to see his dick while they're trying to have sex.]
Stranger: ok ?
You: when you send me 500 dollars, you see fucking
You: ok?
You: you have paypal?
[Next time someone asks me for various screen names, I'm asking them for their Paypal. Fuckers.]
Stranger: hey
You: msn?
Stranger: i m send 500 dollars real bicht
[If you're gonna call me a bitch, at least do it right.]
Stranger: look
Stranger: she is write me
Stranger: bea:
don't use it to threaten me!
[What?]
Stranger: :D
You: no we were joking you stupid fuck, we do not want your money
You: sorry
Stranger: just 2 min see i m believe
Stranger: later send 200 dollar
[Is he fucking serious? What?]
Stranger: ok ?
You: no
You: we were joking
You: we do not want money
Stranger: see me they
You: they are not going to fuck for you
You: they are not even fucking
You: we were joking
Stranger: see me
Stranger: see me they
Stranger: ?
[Wow. How dense can a person get?]
You: they are not having sex
You: i was joking
Stranger: i want see she
You: i wanted to make you get excited
You: she is not coming back
You: she does not like you
Stranger: u show me ?
[I'm second choice, apparently.]
You: show you what?
Stranger: open tits me
Stranger: or i m go
You: good
You: go
You: that is what i want you to do
You: i am sorry
Stranger: u see me ?
You: no
[One last try. Oh well.]

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Blue Shirt Beating Off

The Stranger: A guy's penis. And there was a blue shirt up top.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Official messages from Omegle will not be sent with the label 'Stranger:'. Strangers claiming to represent Omegle are lying.

You: hi
Stranger: hiii
You: nice dick
Stranger: thannnks
You: can my sexy girl friends see it too?
[I was with my boyfriend and his roommate.]
You: is that okay?
Stranger: k
Stranger: i know it's a dude lol
You: haha what if i brought dudes over?
You: would you care?
Stranger: ok
You: they like dick
[They actually don't.]
You: do you?
Stranger: if you take your shirt off i will :D
Stranger: and i'll like dick too
[HAHAHAHAHA.]
You: you will like dick if i take off my shirt?
Stranger: whatever it takes
You: their dick?
You: both?
Stranger: sure
Stranger: fine
Stranger: not if he's black though
[Whaaaaaaat? Wow.]
Stranger: scary
You: hahaha
[What could I say? It caught me off guard.]
Stranger: :D
You: brb
[I scooted to the other side of the couch.]
Stranger: k
Stranger: ooooo
Stranger: hi man
[Then I came back.]
Stranger: oh
Stranger: thought you did a switcheroo
Stranger: hahah
You: you wanna see my friends tits? this one is small
[My boyfriend's roommate.]
Stranger: kk
You: but i'm small too
You: she's a bit bigger
You: lolll
Stranger: lol ok
Stranger: i can't do it
Stranger: hahahaha
You: did you like those?
Stranger: so soft lmao
You: they were kinda small
Stranger: yea
You: yeah really small
Stranger: puberty will do her good
You: yeah
You: that was seriously a girl
Stranger: lies
You: no
Stranger: prove it
Stranger: just a boob to be fair
[I called my boyfriend's roommate out to show his "vagina," and he pretended to be too shy. I called him out on it, and said that he was just a whore pretending to be all chaste and whatnot.]
You: she's a whore
Stranger: for sure
You: she's being a pussy
Stranger: lol
You: she's so timid but i think she is coming to do it
Stranger: niceeee
You: my other friend is trying to convince her
Stranger: lol wtf how many people are there
You: three
Stranger: if you help me time it i'll cum for (her) and freak him the fuck out
Stranger: :/
You: plus my roommate who is hiding in room
[Referring to one of my boyfriend's other roommates.]
Stranger: no you didn't play along
Stranger: sigh
You: she's coming
Stranger: loool
You: she is
You: she's coming back
Stranger: mmmhmm
Stranger: stooop it
Stranger: looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooool
Stranger: i am not into the black!
Stranger: she's black
Stranger: patty sounds femanine
[My boyfriend was nicknamed "Patty."]
You: bitch is ignoring me
You: yeah
Stranger: turn the camera
Stranger: lol
You: she's over there doing something on the computer
You: looking at porn
[I pulled out the plastic knife again, just for kicks.]
You: i will cut it off
You: hahahahaha
You: here comes my friend
Stranger: k
You: she has condoms
[Yes, my boyfriend's roommate brought over some condoms and "wondered" about how to use them.]
You: oooooooh
You: she is such a ho
Stranger: lol
You: she's gonna put a clip on her nipples
[He put a chip clip on his nipple and showed it again.]
You: for you :D
Stranger: kk
Stranger: stop
You: stop what?
Stranger: ya[']
[That wasn't my comment, BTW.]
Stranger: lol
Stranger: wait not yet!
[I was talking about the guy's mother, bestiality, and Barack Obama. He did not appreciate it.]
Stranger: eeww'
Stranger: can i cum?
[I explained that I am a dominatrix, love being dominant, and that he was not, under any circumstances, allowed to reach orgasm.]
Stranger: :(
Stranger: lol
Stranger: too late
[Dude squirts semen all over his nice blue shirt. I tell him to be ashamed of himself.]

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

I WILL CUT YOU

The Stranger: A guy's penis. Yup.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Official messages from Omegle will not be sent with the label 'Stranger:'. Strangers claiming to represent Omegle are lying.

Stranger: I WILL BLOW THIS IN 1 MINUTE, WANNA BET?
[My boyfriend's roommate gave me a fake plastic hunting knife to play with, and I flashed it to the camera.]
You: i'm gonna cut your dick off with this
[He kinda stops for a second.]
Stranger: oh thats bad
You: yeah
You: you into that?
Stranger: what did i do?
You: i dunno
Stranger: im innocent
Stranger: i was just jerking off
Stranger: :P

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

I'm gonna tell my boyfriend on you.

The Stranger: A guy in a red long sleeved t-shirt. I can't see his eyes but I think he has dark hair.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Official messages from Omegle will not be sent with the label 'Stranger:'. Strangers claiming to represent Omegle are lying.

Stranger: hi baby
[Ughhh.]
You: hi
Stranger: :)
You: what's your name?
[Names removed.]
Stranger: mm nice.
Stranger: samantha show ?
You: show what?
Stranger: my dick u boobs ?
You: no
Stranger: pls :(
You: no
You: i don't want to see your dick.
You: sorry.
Stranger: mm open boobs pls :(
You: open boobs?
You: hahaha no
[Maybe if I whip out my dick, she'll "open boobs" upon me.]
You: i told you i didn't want to see that.
You: my boyfriend and his roommate are coming over to see your dick now
[Quick pause, just taking it all in...]

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Naked Dance

The Stranger: A skinny French guy with dark hair and lots of stubble, wearing a grey long-sleeved t-shirt (with a bear and something about winter on it) and solid bright blue track pants

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Official messages from Omegle will not be sent with the label 'Stranger:'. Strangers claiming to represent Omegle are lying.

Stranger: hi
You: hi
Stranger: how are u?
You: very good, how are you?
Stranger: fine ;)
[The wink lets me know that I'm going to have lots of fun with this conversation, and that you think you will too.]
[Bunch of asl crap.]
Stranger: wanna see me dance? ahah
You: go for it, haha
Stranger: ahah ok
Stranger: can i see u? (face)
Stranger: smile
Stranger: yeah
You: you good?
You: hahaha
You: happy now?
Stranger: yeah
Stranger: wanna i dance naked or weared? ahah
You: whatever floats your boat :P
Stranger: what?
You: oh, whatever makes you happiest
Stranger: (i don't understand)
Stranger: okk
You: that's what that means
You: haha sorry
Stranger: naked is funniest
You: okay then
Stranger: (u know, it's not very long ahah)
You: you can do that if you want
Stranger: i do
You: okay
You: you are silly
[Dude stands up, swivels his hips, and slowly drags the pants down before swinging his dick around like something off Meatspin.]
You: :D
[Thoroughly amused.]
Stranger: small? :(
You: no
You: not necessarily
[For the record, it was about average.]
You: not gonna finish your dance?
You: :(
Stranger: ahah
Stranger: can i see u now?
[My pet peeve: guys on Omegle thinking that if they show themselves to me, I agree to show myself to them. Seriously? I didn't ask you to do a naked dance.]
Stranger: :)
You: or was that it?
[I was pretty disappointed; the dance was actually really funny.]
You: haha, we didn't agree to that :P
You: i'll dance for you if you want
Stranger: yess
You: does that float your boat? :D
Stranger: yeah
Stranger: ahah
[I sit up on my knees and wave my arms around like an idiot, shifting my weight back and forth.]
You: is that a good dance?
You: hahaha
Stranger: ahah
Stranger: cmoooon
You: i don't dance well
Stranger: take off clothesss
Stranger: ahah
You: no sir, it's cold here :(
[I really was wrapped in a blanket through the whole thing.]
You: hahaha
Stranger: one secondddd
Stranger: :)
You: haha okay?
Stranger: i make it MORE SMALL!!!!
Stranger: it was impossible
[The fuck?]
Stranger: ahah
You: what, your penis?
[I'm confused.]
Stranger: yess
Stranger: ahah
You: okay?
You: how are you going to do that?
Stranger: what'
You: what?
Stranger: what's ur name?
[And then he changes the subject, without ever showing me how he makes his flaccid penis smaller.]
[Name talk all gone.]
Stranger: do it
Stranger: for me
You: do what?
Stranger: look
Stranger: this
[He lifts up his shirt and caresses his nipples.]
Stranger: :)
You: no sir
You: :P
Stranger: sadd
Stranger: why nott
[Pathetic, confused look on his face.]
You: because
Stranger: yes?
You: bye now :)

You have disconnected.